Monday, April 18, 2011

Slapping the Bag

For me, Franzia hit the scene around 10th grade.  It was pretty epic and spread rampantly.  There is one girl in particular I remember who single handedly made slapping the bag a vital part of every high school party.  For those of you who are completely confused as to the fad I am referring to, I will break slapping the bag down:
  • Get a box of Franzia.  In my opinion Blush is the best, but there are some options.  Market price is around $12-$16 for the big box and $9-$10 for the smaller box.
Blush Franzia
Image from here.
  • Take the plastic bag inside the box of Franzia out of the cardboard box.
Image from here.
  • Find at least one friend, but the more people, the more epic your experience. 
  • Have your friend hold the bag high in the air, but not too high.  High enough so you can slap it.  A tall friend is a good friend for this situation. Example:
Image from here.
  • Look at the bag while you wind up your slapping hand.
Image from here.
  • Stare that bag down.  You got this.

Image from here.
  • Slap the bag; slap it with all of your heart and soul.  
Technique to Properly Slap the BagImage from here.
  • Immediately begin twisting the plastic knob on the box of wine to the left as you kneel down.  Some boxes also have a button to press.  This is ideal and in this case just push the button.
  • Open your mouth wide and start gulping cheap wine. Keep drinking until you feel satisfied.  Once satisfaction is reached, back away slowly from the box as you let wine drip on the ground in front of you.  Make sure not to spill all over your clothes.  Make sure not to vomit.
    • CAUTION: The dark red Franzia stains!
Image from here.
  • Take a bow. You were just the life of the party for 2 minutes.  

Image from here.
  • Okay, now step aside.  Your 2 minutes are over either get lost or hold the bag for the next person.

6 comments:

  1. We were told to avoid one-line comments. But really. Slap the shit out of that bag.

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  2. i missed the franzia phase... but i kind of wish i hadn't. i was never allowed like.. "out" on the weekends. i always had to be home by some ridiculously early hour. never late enough to get a buzz and then let it go away before mom and pops came a-callin'. totally unfortunate. everyone loves franzia. cheap and effective. win.

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  3. I cannot even say how much I hate slapping the bag. Not for the taste, or the intoxicating effects mind you, but for the frequency in which it leads to me becoming drenched in red wine and ruining everything I'm wearing. I wish I could say it only happened once or twice. I can't.

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  4. I can honestly say that I have never tasted Franzia wine, nor have I ever "slapped the bag." LoL I think I'd rather just pull a beer bong or a keg stand. I think that would be a lot more enjoyable. Plus the idea of getting red wine everywhere just isn't that appealing. But hey, I still think it'd be okay to experience just once.

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  5. Anonymous6/29/2011

    Slap The Bag was invented at Ohio University in 2003:

    http://cincinnatimonocle.blogspot.com/2011/06/slap-bag-ohios-greatest-21st-century.html

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  6. Anonymous3/20/2012

    We were "slapping the bag" well before 2003 in West Virginia. Don't know where the idea it was created in Athens comes from?

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